Mature Leadership

I have grown from the ranks, through multiple organizations, and am now a middle level executive in a large organization.
I have so far been pretty satisfied with my growth but of late, I often find myself at the cross-roads. My natural instinct forces me to take some action that is not appreciated by my bosses and the path that they expect me to take does not convince me at all.
The dilemma has already cost me dearly, in terms of my appraisal. This is only the second time in my long career that I have got a rating less than the top one. Though it is difficult to change one’s basic instincts at such a late stage in life, I am still trying my best to curb my natural behaviour to suit the larger acceptability.
In Management jargon, emotional strength, matured leadership, forward-looking approach, result-oriented etc are the terms that are used by the bosses to their fullest advantage. They use these terms to make you do what they want you to do, without making you feel, what you are doing is not what you should be doing and that by suggesting that approach the boss is not being inconsistent. I find the terms like ‘lack of expression’, ‘man of few words’, ‘action-oriented’ etc can be used to sound appropriate in similar situations, depending upon the person to whom these are being attributed to.
Recently, there was an incident in Bangalore, where a 6-7 year old child was swept away by the gushing waters in a storm water drain, as he was walking, holding on to his mother’s hands, oblivious of the dangers that some unscrupulous government workers can leave behind in the shape of an open man-hole. The search for the body has continued for about 10 days, with Army joining hands with the local authorities tracing through the flow of waters, but with no success.
While the family and friends have been struggling to overcome the shock and pain of losing a loved one in front of their eyes, the chief of the local civic body has made some most unsavory statements. His very first statement was that if the civic body was found guilty, they would pay a compensation of Rs. 1 Lac – what an obnoxious first statement from senior civil servant.
Not too different from the legendary ‘Bade-Bade shaharon mein chhote mote hadse to hote hi rahte hain…..” that took away a minister’s job – of course, after a large scale public outcry.
While the people at large and the entire intelligentsia of the city have condemned such behaviour and have sought accountability, the government has sided with its officials. The government has maintained that the officials have made efforts but results can not be in their control.
That is the most unfortunate part of the governance that I correlate in my work environment as well. Some demonstration of action, and that too a reaction to be precise, is enough to get going. Accountability is the last thing in their minds, the machinery should keep moving. Forward-looking, solution-oriented, positive-attitude, not getting stuck by small road-blocks.
As I am adapting to the middle-management blues, where there is no room for protest, you are part of the management. You need to be positive, you can not find faults with the inconsistent policies. I am only afraid that I am not treading a path that will lead to stage when I too will end up making such detestable statements or taking abhorrent actions.
I hope not. I wouldn’t want to be in such a leadership layer that will end up being insensitive. The challenge being, it is a slow poison and as you start enjoying the taste, it starts working on your inner self.